Every single mom feels this way at some point. No matter how together we think we are or how not-together we think we are, no matter how patient we pride ourselves in being or how impatient we know we always are. no matter how we can speak quietly and calmly or how much we yell and scream over seemingly nothing in general, we’ve all been there. We all have good days and bad days. We all loose our temper. We all scream over nothing.
We all feel bad about it later, sometimes even the very second it’s happening.
I grew up a bit differently than I and Mr. Right are raising our kids. Not in a bad way at all, we just handle personalities and who’s the boss a bit differently. I grew up knowing that whatever I was told to do it better be done without any questions. It wasn’t my place to question. They were the adult, not me. That sounds so much worse than it really was. It was a sign of respect, to obey without question.
I didn’t consciously think or know that I was going to be different with my own kids. I knew that I would probably not be as strict but I worried more about making sure I wasn’t the mom in the grocery store with the kid having the meltdown. That I wouldn’t and still won’t ever put up with.
One of my kids has a completely different personality than I had when I was growing up and one has a similar personality. I had no idea how to handle the one with a different personality. This child questions everything. Absolutely everything. It used to drive me nuts. I was always forcing them to “be respectful” and do what I said without question, and for the most part that’s fine. But they weren’t asking why because they were being disrespectful (most of the time anyway) or because they were being difiant, they were asking out of simple curiousity, out of a simple need to know what’s going on.
Thank the Good Lord for Mr. Right. he knew or realized the child’s personality and let me in on that. Mr. Right and I have not always communicated all that well so it honestly took a few years for me to realize this.
I had a wake-up call of sorts. I took a step back, opened my eyes and my heart and realized that I needed to handle this child differently. That it was ok to handle every aspect of parenting differently for each child if needed. I realized that you can have two different parenting styles for your two different children.
Since then, I have been much more understanding, much more patient, much more able to talk the child out of a mood or through an issue with a friend. And as a result, our relationship and the entire family’s relationship has gotten so much better.
Sure, I still freak out, I still have mornings were everything is going wrong and I loose it. It only takes about 3 minutes before I’m back telling that child how much I love them and that I’m so sorry.
Sometimes out of the blue I will start feeling guilty about the way I’ve acted or yelled or rushed through something they were saying. We all do it. We all try to do better.
I just hope and pray that this child, and the other child realize how very much I love them. How I just want them to grow up to be the best human that they can be, to grow and thrive and to learn from their mistakes an to know that everyone has bad days, everyone has things to feel guilty about. But to be able to forgive themselves and move on. To be able to understand that I am trying so hard to be the mother they want, the mother God designed me to be, to be the best mother I can be.
I’m linking up this week with Shell for Pour Your Heart Out.